Important Questions To Ask Before Marriage

I am often asked what types of questions one should ask a potential partner and what things are important to know before making the decision to marry someone.


Here is a short list of some important things to consider:


Marriage Roles: traditional vs. progressive (marriage expectations).

When blending cultures, the way in which you envision your marriage is important to understand. It’s good to be clear on the expectations and role you plan to play within a marriage.

Take time to think about if you hope for a more “traditional” marriage set up where there are clear gender roles. Or if you want a more “progressive” set up, where you both contribute equally. Make sure you align as closely as possible on this so that neither of you feels like you aren’t able to achieve the balance you were hoping for.


How one handles conflict.

This can often be hard to gauge if you don’t spend a lot of time together. With marriage comes many difficult situations that require communication and decision making. You want to make sure the person you are with can handle those circumstances in a way you are comfortable with. If you are more level-headed, it might be okay to be with someone that isn’t the best in a stressful situation. But if you are the more “stressed” person, it’s good to be with someone that can be more level-headed. The key is to balance each other out and try to make-up for certain places where the other is lacking.


What role does religion play in their life?

Having the same religious outlook is very important within a Muslim marriage. It not only affects how you practice religion in your daily life, but also plays a critical factor in how you raise your kids. It’s important to discuss this openly and come to an agreement about what role you want religion to play in the household and how you will raise your children, (regardless of if it should play a strong or weak role).


What type of relationship do they want with their family/ in-laws?

Are you someone that would want space from family/ in-laws? Are you someone that wants to have a very intimate relationship? It’s good to figure these things out before entering a serious relationship and discuss them with a potential spouse. Familial relationships can be a sensitive subject, and if not handled delicately can lead to big issues. It is wise to come to an agreement about this before entering a marriage.


What are their financial habits?

Marriage brings along financial responsibility. You don’t have to have the exact same financial habits, but it is a good thing to understand how the other person spends/ saves their money so that you can plan for your future accordingly. If both are big spenders, it could lead to turmoil down the line. If you are frugal and your partner spends money more freely, this could also lead to conflict. This could mean one person is in charge of savings, or that one person creates a budget- whatever it is, have a plan.


Hoda Abrahim