How To Start And Grow A Meaningful Conversation

They say first impressions are everything, right? Starting a conversation with someone you’re romantically interested in can be very daunting. Many of us get nervous, or don’t have a lot of experience. Here are some tips to help you breeze through your first conversations.

Initiation

Start off the conversation with something thoughtful or personal. Starting with a generic message is a sure fire way to get stuck in a boring message thread that leads you to believe theres no “spark.”

  • Try to use some of the info you know about that person to ask interesting questions. Like what they enjoyed about a place they visited recently, or by connecting over a mutual interest.

Follow-up

A great conversation doesn’t stay great unless you put effort into your replies. When texting, things already have a natural tendency to get lost in translation and convey less emotions than a face to face conversation. It’s important to reply in a way that promotes the discussion moving further, not in a way that send your conversation to the graveyard.

  • When someone shares something with you, DO NOT reply with “oh nice” or “oh that’s cool” and definitely not “yeah i agree.” Your follow up must be something that can keep the conversation flowing. Try things like “oh that’s an interesting perspective, I think that …”

Balance between asking them questions, and sharing about yourself.

Nobody wants to feel like the spotlight is on them and it’s their job to keep the other person interested. While asking questions about the other person is a great tool for getting to know each other, make sure you balance this out by also sharing things about yourself. There is a fine line between being attentive, and being over - inquisitive.

  • If you’ve just asked them something like “What’s your favorite movie?” A good follow-up would be “Oh yeah, that is a great movie. I really love (specific movie) because the action scenes are so life like!”

Keep Things Light

Many people have a tendency to get too serious, too fast. The first few conversations should focus on getting comfortable with one another, so that when you do approach the more serious topics you’ve already established a connection. Do not start with questions like “Are you a virgin?” or “What is your 5 year plan?”

  • Try to have at least 3 conversations before diving in a little deeper, and even then, ease your way in. Start with the easier questions like “Are you a morning person or a night-owl?”

Be clear about your schedule

When you are in a conversation with someone, please don’t suddenly disappear and reappear 4 hours later. It’s very rude and doesn’t set the tone for good communication habits. If you know you will be busy for a lengthy period of time, make sure to let that person know that you will likely not be able to reply until a certain time.

  • “Hey by the way, I’ll be tied up at work for the next few hours. I should be free again around 5pm” It really is that easy.

Set Specific Time To Talk

If either of you are particularly busy, a great way to navigate around this is to set specific times to talk to each other, but they key is to actually follow through on those commitments.

  • You can ask them “hey, are you free for a phone call at 7 pm?” and when you set the time, make sure you actually call.

Hoda Abrahim